The Sun

Every morning I wake up before dawn to prepare for the day ahead. It is quiet, refreshing, cool and crisp. Unfortunately some time later a large, firery sphere takes over and ruins everything. This angry orb douses my poor car with more radiation than Chernobyl and then I am expected to sit in it and drive places. Even after a measly 10 minutes exposure to the Sun my car is so hot that when I sit down, I swear it is like sitting bare-arsed on the sun itself.

I am forever complaining about my writhing dislike of the enourmous, arrogent, cigarette in the sky and others inevitably rebut with an argument along the lines of "ohhh...but you need the sun so that photons can hit the plants and react with the carbon dioxide to produce oxygen.....dude". Such people often have no shoes, masses of dreadlocks and a shirt made from marijuana, or they are just a bit daft. But it is true, the man who always argues against me does require the Sun though, so that the light can hit very eco friendly solar panels in order to fuel the huge inferno to burn his recently shot corpse. But I digress.

The annoying light bulb in the sky is just that. Annoying. It arrives in the morning to awaken us from our dreamland, provides us life for the day, and then buggers off again, simply raising its bright middle finger to humanity as if to say "You know what, screw you, do it by yourself!" Overnight the Sun recovers from this bout of PMS and rises again with a sad, gloomy "Sorry can you ever forgive me?" look upon its face. Only to have the entire cycle repeat itself later that afternoon.

Whilst the Sun gives life, it takes away almost all of the dignity in mine. The Sun simply throws radiation at us while firmly stuck in the "She'll be right" mindset. This radiation causes the Earth to heat up which causes me to heat up which causes me to sweat and develop a nasty rash. This is uncomfortable. Other negatives of the Suns existance include; my sunburn, my brown lawn, my faded paint, my sore eyes, my sweat and most importantly (due to all of that radiation) my sperm count which I belive just slipped into the negative, just to name a few. These problems are frustrating yes but they are relatively minor. The worst aspect of the Sun is its light.

I will admit that without light from the Sun we wouldnt be able to see anything but is that necessarily a bad thing? I wouldnt have to see the Hyundai Coupe bouncing across a field because the driver though he was "sick, sick, sick as". I wouldnt have to see Paris Hiltons sex tape. I wouldnt have to see A Current Affair and I wouldnt have to see Tony Abbot in speedos that are 2 sizes too small. Not only is the Sun incompitent for what it causes me to see but also what it causes me not to see. What i am getting at is the horrible glare is causes me when I am driving.

I am driving to uni just the other day with the sun practically raping me with its rays when all of a sudden I run over a large bump. I promptly turn around to see poor old Mrs Williams, all 92 years of her God bless her. Once again I digress. I have been raving on for some time now why the Sun is stupid and pointless and rubbish but it does have its uses. It warms me up when I am cold, it provides oxygen so degenrates like us can live and breathe, it allows us to see pretty ladies like Julia Gilla......oh wait thats not right is it! I will admit then that there is no biological process that flummoxes the Suns rays. So go ahead Sun send those rays earth bound, but for Gods sake can you send some ointment with them?